If you want an adventure in India, don't go to the beach. Just go to New Delhi and get on a bus. Hold on tight. Say your prayers. Prepare for the ride of your life.

If you're lucky, you'll survive your trip around the capital with nary a scratch. But if you're unlucky ... well, at least your life ended in an adventurous way.

Every time you ride a bus in Delhi, you're taking a chance. Your driver may not know what he's doing. And he may not know what he's seeing. Yes, the poor chap may be almost BLIND. You'd be safer with a monkey at the wheel.

Well, perhaps that's an exaggeration. Perhaps I should be fair to the drivers: You'd be safer with a TRAINED monkey at the wheel.

A recent survey conducted by the Institute of Driver and Training Research found that nearly a quarter of Delhi's public bus drivers lack basic driving skills and hundreds of them have vision problems.

Now you know why so many buses end up with their wheels in the air. Even after such accidents, some drivers are still shifting gears, wondering why their buses won't go up such steep hills.

"Of the 9,500 drivers tested since the start of the year, more than 23 percent were found wanting in driving skills and in understanding of traffic rules,'' R.K. Parimoo, head of the driver institute, told Reuters.

Drivers lacking driving skills? I know what you're thinking: Whom did they pay to become public bus drivers? George Fernandes?

About 500 of the drivers suffered from either defective near vision or distant vision, Parimoo added. Another 25 suffered from color blindness, while five had irreparable vision damage.

Drivers with vision problems? I know what you're thinking: Whom did they pay to become public bus drivers? George Fernandes?

Such findings may seem shocking to you, but perhaps you shouldn't be too upset. After all, isn't it commendable that the transportation authorities believe so strongly in employing people with disabilities?

People with vision problems need jobs, too, and what better way to keep them occupied than to make them drive a huge vehicle around a crowded city. Besides, they can always rely on their other senses, particularly their sense of smell. "Ah, I can smell Ram Lal's samoosas. We must be near the market!"

Of course, allowing such drivers on the roads can lead to terrible accidents. Out of more than 800 deaths on Delhi roads so far this year, 115 involved city public buses, according to Reuters. And who knows how many of those accidents were caused by drivers with rather large blind spots.

It doesn't help, of course, that some buses carry more people than you'd find at a railway station. The bus may have a capacity of 100 people, but you'll still find 150 aboard, not to mention the group of "almost riders" who are hanging on outside. A few of the luckier "almost riders" may have even found themselves comfortable seats -- on the roof. Who needs a double-decker bus when people are so adventurous?

It's a pity people can't do the same with planes. The Air India flight from Mumbai to New York would be fully booked, especially on the outside.

"This is your captain speaking. We will be landing in New York's JFK Airport in five minutes. Passengers inside the plane, please wear your seat belts. All other passengers, please hang on tight. And whatever you do, stay away from the landing gear."

By: Melvin Durai
Date: Monday, July 9 2001
Source: http://www.sawf.org/newedit/edit07092001/humour.asp

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